SARAH THAT PGOTO
scrolled a v long Time just 4 u Sina 🌚❤️
4 weeks in we’re so close to the end yet it’s only getting harder. constantly everyday there are struggles and petty inflammations and as much as I hate it I irrevocably crave it. maybe it’s because the only way I can feel close. connection, because every little joke or photo is simply a flickering façade. i surely wouldn’t be this way if i didnt feel my aloneness in every single minute of the day.
maybe its because it’s 1 am and my head is pounding after forcing myself to read a story about a horrible conniving woman and her lover’s agitating demise, but i no longer feel spite or anger or harshness. i swear it’s always like this. I’m always confused. I’m always angry and then right before I toss and turn in my dreams, I feel remorse and I just want you to hold me in your arms and kiss my face and forehead. I don’t want you to say anything because sometimes your words only make my thoughts and head worse. that’s why you never speak in my dreams.
i guess I’m just tired but I don’t know of what, im definitely content with life right now but this aching in my heart is undoubtedly torturing me. its so hard; you’re an internet persona- not a real person that i can connect with or communicate with. not that we ever really did, because even when you were here our major source was texting.
i acknowledge there are certain couples that withstand the terrible feelings and thoughts I’m going through rn, but I personally cannot do this. I just can’t. not now and not ever.
im rambling and I’m certainly in a foul mood and I hate this I hate it so much and i guess I’m really not that happy but whatever. see you in a week